THEE SUPER LAWYER’S BIOGRAPHY

“Bruce St. Patrick“ born Lloynard Bruce Luckett in project housing on January 23, 1975 to a Single Mom in Altgeld Gardens is a Chicago Southsider.

The younger brother, Bruce, an asthmatic child, preferred reading and drawing to time outside.

June 9, 1985 -  Bruce is sexually assaulted by a babysitter at the home of his great-grandparents “Nana” and “Little Papa”, among his most beloved childhood places and people to be amongst.

October 16, 1992 - February 18, 1993 - In his “final” year of high school, Bruce uses a BB gun to carjack a poor white woman, spends four months in Cook County Jail affiliating with a Chicago street gang called the Unknown Vice Lords or “Ghosts”, sentenced to 48 months probation, opts for GED instead of returning to high school in shame. 

Spring 1995 - Bruce enrolls to Southern Illinois University at Carbondale after applying with forged GED transcripts, aces the general portion of the two-part GED exam but fails the Constitution part. The fraud awakens his hustler’s spirit for a future overthrow he did not intend, even under oath.

June 20, 1995 - Bruce breaks his left femur in a possible car accident. After only two sessions of physical therapy due to no health coverage, the lack announces in his distinctly awkward gait. 

October 17, 1997 - September 2001 - Bruce embraces fatherhood for the first time and falls in love with a boy he often drags to classes with him at Columbia College at Chicago, enrolling after he and Lowkey Brandon’s mom transfer back home from their respective colleges. Bruce graduates with honors earning a Marketing Degree in June 1999, one semester less than four years after starting college and breaking a leg. He begins Substitute Teaching for Chicago Public Schools. After years of disclaimer, he is able to adore his four year old son Chance Firstborn Second, a comic artist extraordinaire, conceived at SIUC.

January 29, 2003 - His First and Favorite daughter  London Suga is born to his favorite woman of them all, so he promises to hustle harder and begins forging checks and store register receipts. He recruits small teams of people to fulfill the work of actually negotiating the instruments in banks, currency exchanges, and retail stores. As more than one associate is arrested and winds up suffering legal consequences, he rests in the fact that he gives every person first right to refuse, “You don’t do what I do. And I won’t do what you do. At this type of impasse, I prefer to stay behind the scenes to direct our little production. I make forged documents. You convert them into cash. If either of us could do both, we wouldn’t need the other. I have no intention of ever going back to jail. Your chances however, are slightly increased. Are you comfortable proceeding?” Most embrace their roles zealously after seeing the impeccable forgeries. At counterfeiting, he’s dubbed “Young Frank Abagnale“ by those in the know. Although few associates are privy to exact details, most admire his hustle just the same.

January 2005 - June 2007 - Bruce graduates from John Marshall Law School in Chicago and passes the Indiana Bar Exam (prohibited from the IL Exam by student financial obligations) but is denied entry by racist Bar Examiners three times.

November 29, 2005 - Bruce’s best friend the original “Bandaged Bandit” is sentenced to 9 years in prison for robbing 13 banks between December 2003 and April 2005 - two of which, Bruce drives getaway and once literally helps wash red ink from bills exposed to an exploded dye pack and feed bills into slot machines at nearby Indiana casinos to turn the money back to spendable green cash.

July 2013 - Bruce signs a mysterious name as His autograph for a vaguely familiar little Indian boy he meets on a compulsory vacation in Greece.

February 2015 - Now - Bruce passes the Texas Bar Exam, among the nation’s simplest for people who “game the system" like him, and moves his family which now includes 7-year-old Liam Boogie, to MAGA Red Conservative Clown Country to finally begin the “practice”. Not long after the relocation, his youngest of three nephews Leaves By Choice right as Bruce’s Life Sentence behind the walls of injustice forewarns him of a cartoonishly corrupt, sick administration eager to ignite World War III. Tormented, he does solicit, but never trusts his psychiatrist and refuses to take any meds. His increased use of marijuana to cope ushers a new spiritual path that divests him of any and all faith or belief in a singular God, Son, or Holy Spirit. Christians both real and Conservative determine that without Jesus, Bruce loses his mind through a regular series of mental breaks that warrant first, an extended stay at a failed mental hospital in Maywood, IL. Then, another degrading stint at a slightly worse facility in Texas that leads to the loss of his family and him becoming an unhoused and unwilling resident of his own vehicle for almost two years off-the-grid and on The People’s Couch. His quest for mental clarity ends in the realization that between him and the entire world, HE was NEVER the crazy one. So Bruce regathers himself now READY to ”play Law” in The People’s All-New Game of Equitable Retribution For the Sins of The Wickedest Nation Ever by empowering Citizens in three purely simple steps he plans to share in an eBook only for Interested Citizens and Clients who use his Super DIY-Law Firm to launch STEP ONE - Commandeer Our Courts. But his book, about a severely imaginative lawyer who rewrites the story of Oz from the Wizard’s perspective to leverage his government to either ordain him “The Purist Jurist” and Most Important Attorney in the Universe or the next President, is compromised. Just as his sequel book is slated for release, the very actual U.S. government illegally infiltrates his book’s pages mandating it thereby viewable only within Bruce’s personal online word document processor that doubles as the bestest book never published and the everest only live-hosted copy of the actual Last Amendment to the Constitution for the United States of America providing his legal Clients each the Constitutional Right and Privilege to always view on-demand and amend Our Precious Contract and continually access a live electronic version of it’s encompassing book titled, either: The Wizard of Ours or The Original Jurist, The Puppet POTUS & The Three Open Assholes all for a negligible monthly Access and Retainer Fee of $1 by cash or $2 by debit, SET by payment method for services.

GO!